My Birthing Experience

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I freaked out for many reasons. I was at my healthiest at this point, just started a new job and everything felt 'sorted'. And, yes, I know, falling pregnant is a blessing in Islam, Allah (swt) is the best planner and all babies are a gift from Allah (swt), however, the sheer thought of giving birth made me feel completely nauseous. I think for the duration of my pregnancy, that was the one thing that was constantly at the back of my mind. I mean, come on, the baby comes out of there...?

Every single mother that I spoke to about it would tell me that:

'You forget about the pain as soon as you see your baby',
'You should worry more about the sleepless nights',
'You have to think about the end result',
'It's one day out of your life', etc, etc.

Regardless of this, and watching every single 'One Born Every Minute' in the space of nine months, I was even more determined that I was going to projectile vomit and I would not be able to deal with the pain of labour and delivering my baby.

(Side note, do not watch 'One Born Every Minute' whilst pregnant. Not a good move on my part.) 

I was adamant to myself that I was going to give birth naturally, even though I was frightened. I had to do this for my baby, for myself and for what Allah (swt) created our bodies to do. We had such a healthy pregnancy, with only one scare at the start, Alhamdulilah, I owed it to him and my body to give birth naturally. 

I had to know what it felt like to go into labour, have contractions and give birth, I needed to understand why the status of a woman is so high in Islam, I wanted to appreciate my own mother more, I craved the feeling of empowerment and sense of accomplishment, I didn't want to rob my son of a birthday by not providing him a proper welcome. I understood it was going to hurt and I'd be left with a painful body, but I had to do it. To experience the one thing only a woman can do. The one thing only a woman can do in a man's world.

Don't get me wrong, I looked into all of my options of giving birth and elective caesarean seemed the most, should I say, pain-free and easy option out? However, working for the NHS and my line manager's previous role of Head of Midwifery, explained to me the long term implications of electing such a birthing method, put me off, and of course the stern look from my line manager whenever I brought it up was enough for me to disregard it as an option pretty swiftly. 

I built an amazing relationship with my midwives/health professionals who were made aware about my anxieties and spoke to me about my concerns from the beginning- I really think building a good relationship helped my birthing experience in the hospital. I had a few issues with my blood tests, so was constantly in and out of the maternity ward, which is how I developed such a good relationship with the department - but everything happens for a reason, Alhamdulilah.

My birthing plan stated that I wanted to give birth naturally and to go through all the processes first linked to giving birth naturally if any complications were to arise, i.e. forceps, drugs, etc before opting for a caesarean, unless of course there was an emergency and there was a risk to myself or my baby's health. I felt it was important my midwives knew my birthing plan very well, which is why at every appointment, we would discuss it in detail. I was completely aware that my birthing plan could go straight out the window because anything could happen but I had to take control of something, if not how fat I looked!

My waters broke at 12.30am, and my contractions started hurting at 1.40am, but as I hadn't felt my baby move much that day, the hospital advised me to come in and keep me under observation. Upon arrival at 1.50am, they examined me (ugh) and I was only 2cm dilated. They said they'll keep me in for a few hours, and monitor my baby's heartbeat - and, later, the midwives told my mother-in-law that they kept me in because they knew I was a worrier - haha. The entire night, my contractions were killing me and my husband was SUCH  a superstar, Alhamdulilah, he massaged my back through every contraction. He did not leave my side at all. Alhamdulilah. I slept whenever I didn't contract and apparently I was really funny according to the midwives - great *rollseyes*! As the contractions hurt so much, the midwives suggested I had a bath to ease the pain - and, ohmygoodness, was that an amazing bath!! Helped so much to relieve pain. It was so relaxing I was falling asleep and my husband had to prop me up. (I would definitely recommend getting into the bath once contractions start.)

It got to 6.50am, and it was nearly time for me to be discharged, however upon examining me, they discovered I was 7cm dilated and by this point, I couldn't sit down and I had been handling my contractions on my hands and knees - yep, ever so elegant. I was rushed into the delivery ward on a wheelchair, but as I couldn't sit down due to the pain, I was kneeling on the wheelchair facing the nurse pushing me. I must have looked a right state. To this day, my husband chuckles at me about it. 

In my birthing plan, I requested a water birth, so they got the pool ready for me. However, as I was anaemic and my blood test results were not given back in time for my delivery, I had to be taken out of the water to give birth right at the final minute. 

I had three outfit changes by this point. I know, right? Couldn't drop my standards just because I was giving birth! Even my midwife told me I was too glamorous to be giving birth - definitely a pick me up whilst in SO much pain! 

I then finally changed into a knee length PJ T-Shirt and after 10 minutes of pushing, at 07.55am, I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy, Alhamdulilah. 

We then took a private room off the ward for privacy, and unfortunately, we were not discharged until Mini Mango was five days old due to a few complications to him :( however, our birthing experience was absolutely amazing. I felt so safe, understood, constantly provided love and attention, explained everything thoroughly, and Alhamdulilah my general experience was blessed. 

Now, to do it all again? That's another thing...

How was your first birthing experience? Is there anything you would have done differently?

ALL THAT HEARTBURN!!!

XO

How to Deal with Parental Advice

Being a mother, especially a first time mother, you get given 'advice' left, right and centre. Even from complete strangers. I've had a sales assistant in Hobbycraft tell me how to cut my child's nails.

*I know, right?* Monica Geller style

And, have you noticed everyone has a cure/remedy/theory about EVERYTHING baby related?

'I did ______ and mine turned out alright...' 
'My mother taught me that...' 
'Oh darling, I wouldn't do that if I were you...'

You get the picture. It is seriously a pet peeve of mine. Not because I don't like advice. I love advice. Just not things said in a patronising way. And, I'm very conscious of passing information on. I think that's why I love blogging. I write what I think/feel and if you take my thoughts on board - that's great, if not, it doesn't matter. The world is still revolving.

So, how do you deal with all these advices thrown at you?

1. Smile sweetly with a strong concentrated face, nod intently and actually take it on board because it actually sounds logical.

2. Smile sweetly and say you researched in the library, on the internet and spoken to your own mother and you feel xyz will work best but thank them for their concern.

3. Smile sweetly, nodding your head and just let the 'advice' go in one ear and out the other.

4. Scream at them that you will ask for advice if you need it.

5. Imagine in your head your whacking said person with a rubber hammer as they share their advice, in the meantime actually nodding your head to them.

6. Plan your dinner for the evening in your head.

Number two is the usual go-to for me, but number five is definitely a favourite.

I usually opt for number two because some people really make you feel inadequate. You just have to show them you have actually done something about it. It's a shame, women have made new mums feel like that when they're most likely unaware they are offending. Of course, hormones flying high, on the brink of self-destruction from the first bitter taste of sleepless nights, all take a play into the emotions of how you react to said 'advice'.

Following this, how are you actually supposed to learn yourself, if you continuously have different methods thrown at you?

Prior to giving birth, I was working at the NHS and my colleague, an ex-Matron, gave me the best advice:

Use your common sense. He will love you regardless as all he knows is love. If he's unhurt, you're doing a good job. There is no right or wrong. Just common sense. 

And, to this day, that's what goes through my head because there are hundred ways to do something, but at the end of it, it is all down to common sense and mother's instincts. As, you are the only one who knows your baby the best. The great thing about being a new mummy, both you and your baby are learning about one another. So, take each day as it comes. The sleepless nights will become bearable, I promise you. And, just take each advice with a smile - it's entirely your decision whether you take it on board or not.

And, just remember, this is your journey with your little one. If they're smiling, they're happy which means you're doing something right. So, dust your shoulders to the patronising advice. Do what feels right as motherly instincts is actually a real thing!

And, may this journey be a blessed one, insha'Allah.

XO

Mini Mango - One Day Old <3

Breastfeeding from a Purely Selfish Perspective

Breastfeeding. It has it pros and cons for sure, but the pros - from a completely subjective and selfish view, are immense. For these fifteen reasons alone, it is worth destroying your nipples for:

1. You can eat an entire extra 500 calories a day and you will not gain weight - based on the fact, it is nutritious calories and not empty calories, like a chocolate bar or packet of crisps.

*adds an extra portion of spaghetti bolognese to her bowl* 
Make sure you ignore the raised eyebrow look from your SIL, too.

2. You can be anti-social at family gatherings because it's time for a feed - and, no MIL, if you're reading this, I obviously do not mean your family gatherings...

3. You are at a lesser risk of breast and ovarian cancer. No brainer.

4. You can be lazy with breastfeeding. You do not have to worry about sterilisation kits, carrying so much around with you when you're out and about, the milk is at the perfect temperature so you don't have to fuss over the kettle to boil water and heat the milk up, the night feeds are easy - one whinge, pull your top up and just plonk them on your breast and they're quiet. And, as long as you're not drunk/taking drugs it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if you dozed off slightly!

5. You can breastfeed lying down. Self-explanatory.

6. You save money by not having to buy bottles, teats, sterilising kits, sterilising solution, formula, cleaning products, etc. So, buy that handbag you've been eyeing up and don't feel guilty - you earned it.

7. You delay the return of your periods. Another no brainer.

8. You can hog your baby from the other family members, as they prefer your smell. Muhahaha.

9. You're less stressed if you're nursing as it releases that hormone the midwives bang on about at ante-natal classes, which is oxytocin. The hormone with the 'mmm' factor which is proven to promote relaxation and nurturing.

10. Also, due to the release of oxytocin, it means your uterus returning back to it's normal size is faster and the post-partum bleeding stops sooner. I mean, really, I think the nappies, sorry, maternity pads we have to wear is ridiculous.

11. You will win all the arguments at home. Guaranteed. Because he isn't providing for the baby like you can. Such an empowering feeling, being a woman and your baby solely relying on your milk.

12. You can sit down and relax whilst breastfeeding, giving you a beautiful opportunity to bond with your baby. It also means you can have a cup of tea, read a book, or even write a blogpost... ;)

13. You have an excuse to buy a whole new wardrobe in the attempts to make breastfeeding easier by buying front zip blouses, buttoned shirts and waterfall cardigans to discreetly hide your baby whilst nursing. Again, don't feel guilty!

14. You'll have less sick days to claim at work as statistically speaking, your baby will be healthier than formula-fed babies. Wahey - that's more money towards that handbag!

15. You'll have a much more pleasant experience changing your baby's nappy if they're breastfed over a formula-fed baby. Trust me. Stinky nappies ahoy for formula-fed babies!

Is it bad that I actually thought about these benefits? Because, they truly are beneficial! However, I must state, the main reason I breastfeed is for the enormous number of benefits that my baby is having and the feeling of accomplishment when I can squeeze a chubby thigh!

This post is meant to be taken lightheartedly, but it's always nice to see the benefits you gain out of sharing your breasts.

Are there any other selfish benefits that you could think of? Let me know below! And, please tell me I'm not alone in thinking these points?!

Much love,

Get To Know Me

Salam my flowers,

This is a quick introduction to my blog.

- My name is Nilly Dahlia

- I am twenty-something

- I am a Masters in Law Graduate from King's College, London

- I am a new mummy to a beautiful baby boy (Alhamdulilah)

- I am obsessed with bronzers, contouring products, lipsticks, mangoes, dhall and shopping

- I dislike people eating with their mouths open, the sound of crisps being crunched, people eating on public transport (unless the food doesn't make a sound whilst being eaten) and people that always think they're right *rollseyes*

This blog will consist of beauty, fashion, lifestyle, cooking and everything baby related - so, please do subscribe and follow me on my journey.

Much love,